things that make my life better at the moment

1. Preston's interpretation of Quentin Tarantino, specifically the use of the word "boss".
2. A new apartment.
3. the Music in my head.
4. Cooking for Ben James.
5. Hobohookahs.
6. Impending holidays.
7. Infinite possibility.
8. Dinners with Molly.
9. Daily crosswords.

at the bottom of everything

to do list: october 29, 2007.


1. look for an apartment, get over the simultaneous success and failure.
2. attempt to get over silly little girl crushes (failing miserably).
3. begin research on my 15 page paper discussing the correlation of Arab nationalism and soccer.
4. find an adventure.
5. get ready for the awesomeness that will be Smashing Pumpkins at the Fox tomorrow.
6. establish boundaries. then take a wrecking ball to them.
7. figure out how to tell a story. with 50,000 words. by the end of november. yeesh.
8. try to really impact my job, and not get fired in the process.
9. finish my CIA application, attempt not to sell my soul.
10. start the revolution.
11. read a book about internal revolutions.
12. find a way to go back to India. god, I miss it.
13. end all infatuations. right now.
14. take one for the team.
15. clean my room.
16. find the perfect pair of jeans.
17. learn how to cook the perfect tagine.
18. attempt to no longer be retarded.
19. quit being jealous. for real.
20. follow through on to do lists.
21. create impact.
22. publish a poem.
23. create art.
24. learn how to walk into a room and turn heads.
25. care about what people think.
26. quit caring about what people think.
27. watch a movie that changes my mind.
28. challenge people's perceptions.
29. dance.

get off your ass, woman.

or the world's gonna pass you by.

i have to get my act in gear. for real. i have so many choices to make in the next few days, and all i can find myself doing is watching the daily show, scribbling thoughts on the backs of papers, and buying movies without watching them. it's not for lack of things to do, for i have many. i am just avoiding responsibility for my life, which is no bueño, verdad.

i had such focus coming back from India. where has it gone? am i that demotivated that i have lost all interest in the direction of these next few days? weeks? years? lifetimes?
i don't want to disappoint anyone else, disappointing myself is enough, thanks. and i feel like that is all i am doing. i've swam enough circles to drown a dolphin, and beaten enough dead cows to throw me in indian prison.

i just wish i could get back to...whoever i was before i was this.
maybe i should figure out who that was. i need some definite soul searching. but, i don't think i can do it alone.

Parlez-vous Parisienne?

on the steps of Sacre Coeur, the whole of Paris lies at your feet.

this road is curvy, and sometimes its unexpected.

So - I will not be LCP for AIESEC at Georgia Tech in 2008.
And strangely enough, I am really okay with that. Preston is an incredible AIESECer, and I know that he is an amazing asset to AIESEC here and everywhere. Like I said before, the man is Captain AIESEC.
No worries, other AIESECers, I am nowhere near leaving. Although I will face the dire fact of being NFT'd in three months, I know that there is so much in this organization I can still achieve. And I am lucky that I will have the support of an marvelous LCP like the P-Rhea.

But it does throw into question - what am I going to do in the next year? (I'm quite open for suggestions! Please give me some ideas) I have a lot of choices, but each is as exciting as the next - it's going to be hard to choose. But for the next few days, at least, I can relax. I am heading to Paris on Friday (YAY - SOOOOO EXCITING!) to see my brother, and I can't wait to get there.

tonight's the night.

I got this email this morning.

Maddie,

On May 1, you sent yourself this message. Today is the day that you thought you should read it.

"applications are due in November. make a decision. what could you do with it? where could you go? who could you impact? it's up to you."

We hope you've enjoyed the adventure of knowing yourself.

Dreaminder
www.dreaminder.com

So I got the date wrong, but tonight I will see what comes of the decision I made. Elections are about eight hours. We'll see what happens. Either way - today is a good day. I can feel it.