i figure wherever i am, that's where the world is.
www.maddiejane.wordpress.com
Friday, June 22, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
if it ain't this, it's that.
the wheels are spinning. two steps forward is three steps back. i'm digging to climb out of the hole. full speed at a brick wall. treading waist deep water. running forward by jogging backwards. [insert more clichés for futility here].
oh well, this is India.
Labels: frustration, India
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
in the words of the Shining Beacon himself.
If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
--Santiago, The Alchemist
I read this quote this morning, and all I could think of was someone telling me - "be authentic". I don't know why it struck me at this moment, right now, and so hard - but it did. And I think I am beginning to understand what that means.
Monday, June 18, 2007
the Himalayas.
Weekend nomading ends in Shimla - a Himalayan town five hours north of Chandigarh by a nauseating, swerving, crowded bus. It was beautiful and relaxing - and a perfect example of India's diversity.Also home to the Jakhu Monkey Temple, a shrine for Hanuman - the monkey god who carried the mountain to save Rama's wife, Sita. It made me want to read the Ramayana.

I think the best feeling about Shimla, however, was how relaxed I was. Nothing mattered except sitting and watching the sun move over the Himalayas. Forget the nauseating bus ride, the inability to sleep while sharing a bed with three other girls, waking up cold for the first time in months, and the soreness of climbing through the mountain town.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Amritsar, Attari, and a change of mind.
My company demands that I have a "cultural experience" and travel throughout India. I say ok, I can do that. This weekend? Attari and Amritsar.
Attari
A short stop in Amritsar to deposit our things at the beautiful Golden Temple, we were back in the taxi to drive to Attari, a small village on the border of Punjab and Pakistan and the home of the infamous, even comical, Closing of the Border Ceremony. A ritual that has been practiced since the creation of the border in the 40's, this ceremony draws thousands to celebrate it. So, packed in with thousands of Indians in the 120 degree sunset, we watched guards goosestep towards the gate to taunt the Pakistani guards on the other side, shaking their hands and heads and cheering about the greatness of India. Hindustan - Jindabad! Pakistanis stand cheering on their side of the gate, waving the green crescent over the crowd. For an hour, this happens. It is difficult to explain its purpose or point - but there is such a great emotional aspect to this seemingly superfluous ceremony. Nothing is gained or lost in this showing of pride, but it is such a fantastic and surreal exhibition of Indian nationalism that is almost impossible to understand.
Another discovery in Attari was the surreal aspect of being a foreigner in India. The novelty of white skin and red hair is something that you don’t realize until you have people asking to touch them, to photograph them, or to ask if it is real. People snuck around with camera phones to steal photographs of me my white travel companions. Women around us asked for “snaps” (the Indian term for photographs) – and two girls stole pictures of me for the duration of the ceremony (so I stole pictures of them too). My Indian friend called us “sillahbrahtas” while laughing and taking pictures. It is unbelievable.

Amritsar
Dirty, sweaty, and exhausted – we traveled back to Amritsar. After quickly showering (ie. Bucket of cold water) – we went to the community kitchen for dinner.
We then walked into the temple complex, a large square filled in the center with a deep pond, each of the four sides a marble walkway filled with pilgrims, either praying with their foreheads bowed to the ground or preparing to sleep in the presence of their holiest site. In the center of the pond lies the Golden Temple, and it is incredibly beautiful.
When you walk inside it, almost everything incorporates some kind of prayer in it, the wallpaper, the doorframes, the stairs, the chandelier. The Devangari is wearing away in some spots where people rub their fingers over it to complete the prayer.We entered the temple at night, right as the Guru Granth Sahib (the holy book of Sikhism and its eleventh Guru) was being closed. It is an incredible ceremony: as the final prayer is sung, men compete to carry it on their heads to a solid gold palanquin, waving oxtail fans above it. Women reach to touch it and everyone attempts to support the palanquin in some way as it is taken to its nightly resting place. Then pilgrims compete to clean the temple, sweeping and polishing the gold.
We returned from there to the room where we were staying, and slept for the few hours between then and 4:30 in the morning to catch the sunrise hitting the gold of the temple. We awoke and sipped chai as the singers called the Sikhs to morning prayer. And walking through the trough of water to clean your feet and enter the temple, it is a breath taking sight. The first rays are just hitting the top of the temple, and it begins to glow, and the first prayer is so beautiful – it was one of those rare moments you experience. Something so special and secret that you want capture it in some way, but in no way is a feeling like that possible to write in words or take in photographs. It made me think of the sunset in Morocco over the Atlantic, listening to the salah echoing from the mosque behind me, and watching women mourn in Rome’s cobblestone streets, arms raised and tears streaming, during Pope John Paul II’s funeral. Moments that seem impossible and unreal, but are happening around you and in some small way, changing you.
We sat for maybe three hours, just watching the Sikhs. Something interesting that they do is bathe in the pond (which is filled with huge, brightly colored fish), a form of holy water cleansing. And, like any religion, the Sikhs preserve important artifacts including the body of a Guru, their weapons that fought for the freedom of Sikhism, and, most interestingly, trees that important Sikhs prayed under. One tree is especially important, it is said that the Guru that decided to build the Golden Temple bathed there during his epiphany, and those who bathe there now are granted enlightenment and clarity in their paths in life.
There is also a museum of paintings and photographs of important moments in Sikh history, from its creation to the present, including depictions of their persecution by Muslims (including dismembering children and stringing their limbs into necklaces to hang around their parents’ necks), the destruction and massacre of Operation Blue Star in 1984 by Indira Gandhi’s troops, and Sikhs who had roles in creating an independent India.The temple was an incredible and unique experience. I even had a woman ask me to bless her little girl with beauty. Another little girl came up and counted my toes, and when I thought this was strange I looked at hers - she had six on each foot.
But we traveled onward, visiting the Jallianwala Bagh garden, the home of the 1919 massacre in which British troops opened fire on peaceful protesters and instigated Indian unity towards independence. The garden is walled, and there was no escape. Bullet holes are preserved, as well as the well that hundreds of Indians threw themselves down in order to escape. It is strange to see the well, and as I was looking into it, it had the air of a crypt or open grave. It was interesting to experience a city that has such a bloody past and is so influential in the shaping of modern India. Midori (my Japanese coworker and roommate) said she was afraid to go to sleep that night because she thought she would have nightmares about Amritsar.
Onto something happier, we then visited Jinder’s (another roommate and coworker, but from India) cousin’s family. They fed us a ridiculous amount of food and talked about why we came to India and what we were looking for here. When Indians travel, they said, they are always searching for something – whether it is spiritual, economic, or to visit family. They were confused why I would leave the United States, a place where they said that any Indian would go in a minute if given the chance, to come to a place like India, working for very little. I couldn’t explain it in terms they could really understand, I’m still working out how to explain it in terms that I understand. There was a little girl there that wanted to know all about America, and told me that it was her dream to go there. She even showed me her coin collection of two quarters (one of which was made into a ring by welding it onto a ring of copper wire) and a penny. I gave her a dollar and told her to visit me in America. It was so amazing to listen to them – they are incredible people and have definitely shaped my perception of culture and hospitality in India.

Then, its back home. And it’s funny that I feel at home here – but I do.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
and then the rain came down...
toje deka to ye jana sanam
pyal hota he divana sanam
ab jahan se kahan jae ham
teri bahon me mar jae ham
when I first saw you, I knew love
the moment we met I loved you
my love, what would i do without you?
I would forever lie in your arms
...
pyal hota he divana sanam
ab jahan se kahan jae ham
teri bahon me mar jae ham
when I first saw you, I knew love
the moment we met I loved you
my love, what would i do without you?
I would forever lie in your arms
...
The air was getting thicker with clouds and the pending monsoon. We sat on the porch of our apartment watching the lightning color the sky orange and the winds shake the mango trees on our street, listening to each other sing songs from our homelands. and learning songs and cultures from each other.
and that is when the rain began to fall. it was a perfect moment. it was everything that i am beginning to love about India.
and that is when the rain began to fall. it was a perfect moment. it was everything that i am beginning to love about India.
Monday, June 11, 2007
full circle.
it was just over a year ago that I stood in front of hundreds to give a speech, nearly crying and fainting, nervous beyond anything, full of stage fright, devoid of confidence, and barely able to stand without my knees shaking.
this morning - I gave a speech to about 50 kids about the importance of public speaking and its role in personal and professional development. I spoke clearly, loudly, with confidence and conviction.
talk about a full circle of change. I am a different person today. and I blame AIESEC.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
YouVA. take 1.
So I have finally figured out what to work on during my time in India, time that is moving faster than I thought it would be. I arrived a little more than a week ago, coming to work at an NGO, EduCARE, and completely lost on where to start and what to do. And now - I think I have a plan.
Besides working on cultural education and HIV/AIDS awareness the Project Worldview, I will be working on developing a youth conference for EduCARE called YouVA Week. Youva, in Hindi, means youth - and stands for Youth for Volunteer Action in coordination with the UN's International Youth Day. Basically it is a week long program for 15-24 year olds in Chandigarh to learn about issues that impact their community, like the 20 different slums in the city, the prevalence of HIV-positive citizens, and the pollution of its water source by a city's worth of trash, and then actually act on them. Working with the schools, the NGOs of Chandigarh, and EduCARE - it will be a chance for the people of Chandigarh to break the dichotomy of wealthy and impoverished and and realize these issues influence everyone in India, and everyone in the world, despite income or rank.
I'm excited - its something to work on with a goal and a tangible result. Something I have been needing for quite some time. (any ideas to help me - let me know!)
ok, getting down from the proverbial soap box...
went and hung out last night with a bunch of Canadians, a German, a Dutch, and one other American around some poker, pizza (Indian Pizza Hut is a little strange...like the fact that they use pizza cheese and paneer), mango juice, and Kingfisher. It was really interesting and fun. Partly because we got to hang out in the air-conditioned house of the Canadian Embassy, but also because these other trainees are so hilarious and fun to be with. And of course the fact that I won, always a good sign. And apparently, they didn't know my name or where I was working until last night, so they had been calling me Atlanta for a few weeks. The name, for some reason, has stuck. Tonight I get to go to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 with them at some theater in Chandigarh. And it's Johnny Depp, I mean, come on. It will be fun, and a chance to meet more of the trainees that live in Sector 21.
Labels: direction, India, Johnny Depp, motivation, trainees
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
they got their Eye on you.
if you walk down the street in India, people stare at you.
if you are a white woman walking down the street in India, people stop and stare at you.
if you are a white woman with red hair walking down the street in India, people will stop their motorcycles in the middle of traffic, take off their helmet, and stare at you as long as you are in sight.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
constant contradictions.
So something I have discovered about India, beyond the obvious other things.
It is a place of huge contradictions.
I was riding a bus back from Delhi (a non-air conditioned bus at that, talk about grossly and disgustingly hot, dirty, sweatiness...) and was watching the landscape roll by. One of the first things evident in India, beyond heat and noise, is the incredible amount of poverty. About 23% of the population of India lives below the poverty line, at about 100 Rupees a day (around $2.15). And believe me - Rs. 100 does not go very far here - clean water costs Rs. 15 a liter and a half kilo of rice is about Rs. 70. It is difficult to imagine a meal for an entire family - just one meal - on that budget. And it isn't hidden or subtle - a taxi from the Delhi airport passes through blocks filled with corrugated metal houses covered in colorful tarps that are stolen from stores and construction sites.
This bus ride was through some small villages and towns, many with crumbling brick buildings or actual thatched huts - and there was one village that we passed that was about the size of maybe half a football field, falling apart, and covered with mud and filled with people sleeping in the shade of a tarp to keep out of the blistering sun. Above the main market (a mere wooden table with a tarp and a few chairs filled with emaciated men and women) was a sign for an investment company, a non-Indian company, that showed a women being driven in a luxury car and looking at skyscrapers in the distance. It was captioned - "Building a New India".
Another, a few kilometers up the road, with no visible town or village in sight, a man was herding cows under a sign advertising the announcement of a brand new mall and multiplex to be developed on the site. The man had to avoid the deep holes and concrete pillars that were already crumbling, the site began years ago and has not progressed.
Alcohol advertisements are built on huge signs next to Sikh temples, and half dressed women sell makeup and perfume while the women below walk with their heads and faces covered by veils.
It is difficult to see these attempts or symbols of Indian progress - especially that of the Indian elite in contrast against the impoverished. It seems almost as if India wants to prove its arrival into the world market as a major contender, where in reality it is only the wealthy that progress. There is so much work to be done here. So much that needs to change in order to move forward.
Maybe, just maybe, I can work to make a difference here. It breaks my heart to think that I might not have an effect in my 10 weeks here - I will try everything I can to.
Labels: change, India, motivation, the Dream
Monday, June 4, 2007
even dancing feels different
So it has been 6 days in India.
it is still incredible. there are some things that are still so strange to me.
AIESEC in India is one of them. There is such a different mentality here than in the States.
Background to how I found this out: I went to a conference in Delhi this past weekend, kind of last minute in fact. (And by last minute I mean they called at 11pm on Friday for us to leave at 6am on Saturday.) It was LCCON for AIESEC Delhi University (@DU), their local conference/congress that takes place twice a year. (Similar to ROKs except only with one LC). It was in a Public School Complex in an outskirts village in Delhi, and by village I mean thatch and mud huts, cows and buffalo everywhere, women in full veils, naked children playing in a stream village. The conference was neither organized nor motivated, no one wanted to be there and none of the issues they discussed in their Learning Networks discussions were irrelevant, and even worse, not up to date. Then there was, like at any @ conference, dancing. And if you know me - I love the dancing. But they were different - even NumaNuma and Cotton Eye Joe. I wasn't granted the chance to teach them Bebot.
The one saving grace of this conference was the presence of DU's trainees - few of which were @ers, but all had more @ spirit than most of the @ers from Delhi. There was a tangible divide - @ers would not talk to the trainees, no matter how hard we tried. Complaints were not answered, and any attempt to learn about Indian culture was, for lack of a better word, thwarted. Many of the trainees were meeting the others for the first time, and did not know that there were other trainees in the area for them to either hang out with or travel with. The point of the conference was to allow more interaction between the LC and their trainees, but failed miserably in the attempt.
The closing dinner was what really killed it - we sat through nearly 2 hours of @ers toasting themselves on their great achievements while most of the weekend had only brought out their faults. Imagine, being a trainee in a completely unique and foreign land, and feeling that the people who brought you there were not interested in your safety or well being but solely that you had increased their exchange numbers, and then listening to them gloat about the advances and superiority of their LC and its members. All of the trainees left the dinner because of their frustration, and then proceeded to attend a fantastic trainee party, complete with Spongebob mascot. I had a lot of amazing conversations with people from around the world- the Ivory Coast, Zimbabwe, Bulgaria, Sweden, UK, Canada (one of whom knew the @GT kids that went to CNLDC!!), Poland, and the Netherlands. I was listening to them talk about their experiences, advice on where to travel, and their plans for the rest of their respective traineeships (most of which were at least 5 months, some as long as 18 months!). That made me feel so much better - at that point I was still unsure if I could last 10 weeks - I was homesick and freaked out and absolutely exhausted, but now. I think I can face it.
All in all, an eye-opening weekend. I hope that I will not face the same challenges in Chandigarh, although I am sure I won't to the extent that the DU trainees have. I start my CEED on Tuesday - and I have so many ideas on how to get involved with the LC to improve them and myself. Being with another LC makes me miss my LC even more - they are like a second family, and it's the longest I have been in quite some time not seeing them. I know that I can become a better @er through this, I just have to figure out how.
Travel News: Going to Amritsar and Attari this weekend, and I couldn't be more excited! It is going to be beautiful. We are going to the Golden Temple and to see the Closing of the Border Ceremony. There will be pictures soon, and more stories. If you ever travel - get a Lonely Planet Guidebook (even the locals use them here), it will be the best money you ever spent on a trip.
Friday, June 1, 2007
first task.
find out what you want to do in India.
oh my - easier said than done...
...
I have been sitting at work for about 3 or 4 hours now. on facebook/nomadlife/email. i don't know what to do - i need to figure out what i want to work on, where i want to visit while i am here...decisions i am no good at making. i know i definitely want to work with HIV/AIDS in some way, but what else i am not sure. i want to see Agra, the Himalayas, and Amritsar for sure - but there is so much to see here that i don't know if that is enough, or what else to do. i definitely need to sit and read my India book. and get an adapter for my Lappy - none of the ones I have work :( I also need a phone card to call Mohmoh, I know he is impatient to see me. and he will be influential in figuring out where to go.
other news - I am going to a conference over the weekend - in Delhi. Now Delhi scares me to death, it's so loud, colorful, and crazy - and I kind of like that - it feels like I am being adventurous, but I know I am just telling myself that so I don't feel bad for being the biggest scaredy-cat i know. i am excited because it is a conference for trainees, so that should be fun. i need to brush up on my Bebot skills.
i miss home already and that scares me. maybe i am not the big bad international traveler i thought i was. or maybe this is normal.
other news - I am going to a conference over the weekend - in Delhi. Now Delhi scares me to death, it's so loud, colorful, and crazy - and I kind of like that - it feels like I am being adventurous, but I know I am just telling myself that so I don't feel bad for being the biggest scaredy-cat i know. i am excited because it is a conference for trainees, so that should be fun. i need to brush up on my Bebot skills.
i miss home already and that scares me. maybe i am not the big bad international traveler i thought i was. or maybe this is normal.
Labels: India
i'm here.
here. at last.
after about 20 hours on the plane in total, 8 hours of waiting at the airport for the trains to open, 5 hours of driving to Chandigarh, and one crazy night - i am here.
it is incredible - i don't know where to start or what to do. but i am here, and i guess that is the first step.


