oh no.

dear nomadlife,

you have made me a stalker.
you jerk.
i love you anyway.

love,
maddie

don't

never EVER tell me what i can and cannot do.


there is too much that i want in this world to be told i can't have it. and i'm not one for listening to someone else's doubts. i have enough of my own, thank you.
i may fall, but believe me when i say, i've gotten good at picking myself back up. just watch.

memories...

Mrs. Gault, Mr. Foxx, distinguished guests, Members of the Board of Education, faculty, parents, and friends.
Welcome.
And to my classmates, congratulations. This is really all for you. Today, we are celebrating our graduation, our time. Today is the day we have been waiting for, the moment we have anxiously anticipated since our first day of school thirteen years ago when we let go of our parents hands and stepped into the world on our own, even if it only meant a brightly colored classroom.
But now, look where we are. Look at us. We aren’t those little kids clinging to our parent’s hands, and we are once again letting go to enter another new world. Right here at the end of it all.

You know, there is something about the end of things that makes you think of the beginning. On your first day of high school, nothing in the universe seems bigger than those cinder block steps leading into Forsyth Central. I remember feeling so small and lost among the seemingly gigantic seniors that roamed the expanse of main hallway like they owned it. As I sat in my first class, listening to the booming voice over the intercom wish me a “great Bulldog day,” I knew that I had entered a new world. A world of changes, of parties, of Friday night football. Of new people and newer things. Of love, and of life. This is what we as freshman had to look forward to. As seniors, this is the world we lived.

In the past four years, the world we entered has changed dramatically. Those cinder block steps are smaller than they used to be, or maybe we’ve just gotten bigger. And main hallway must have shrunk and now seems barely wide enough to squeeze through. The classes that never ended are over forever. It’s the last time any of us will be wished “a great Bulldog day.”

Through these years, we have gained. We have lost. We have experienced and we have grown.

Nelson Mandela once said, “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” As freshman, we entered this world of Forsyth Central bewildered, eager and anxious to be those seniors. And here we are. The seniors. The Class of 2006. And we can walk down those hallways like we own them. Because we do.

But our time here is ending.

The time has come to step down those cinder block steps and into the world beyond Forsyth Central High School. There is something greater to discover out there, a new world to conquer. To explore and to experience.

But like the past four years has changed us, it has also redefined what we know as the world. The world is not Cumming, Georgia. It is not what you see on CNN. It is not the puzzle pieces of countries on a map. Your world is not the blue-green sphere of Earth.

Pat Badger once said, “I figure wherever I am, that’s where the world is.”

And that is what our world has become. Your world is who you meet. It’s the lives you change. It’s the lives that change you. The world is the places you go and the things you find there. It is the things you learn, the secrets you keep, and the memories you share. The world is not a static place, but a dynamic one. It’s not the glass marble that we thought it once was, but more like the plasticky goo of play-doh. The world can be changed, it can be stretched, it can be beaten down and raised up, or it can be wrapped around your little finger. It is for you to discover how.

In May of 1968, in the midst of the revolts and demonstrations of Parisian students, someone splattered these words on a wall, “The revolution must take place in men before it can be manifest in things.” So be the revolution. Change your world. Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Be who you are. Be who you want to be. Your world is what you make it.

Four years ago, we made our world in the red and black striped halls of Forsyth Central. In the years to come, I hope that you can find your world. Or that it someday finds you. But at this moment. This day, in this place. Our worlds are connected.

We are the Class of 2006.
Good luck in every world you conquer and congratulations for conquering this one.


so in my avoidance to actually do work for class - i was searching through old documents on my computer and found this. it's my graduation speech. it is incredible to think about the things i have changed since then. how scared i was at that podium. the people that i wanted to stay closest to. the sudden desire to run from that stage. the places i wanted to see.

i'm a different person, and for the first time...it might be a good thing.

the times they are a changing.

the semester is almost over.
which makes me think about impending finals.
which makes me think of how i felt the last time i took finals in the spring.
which makes me think of one night when i knew everything had changed.
which makes me think of the way it was before it changed.
which makes me think i might miss that.
which makes me think - there is no way that i can go back to that moment.
but why would i want to?

so many amazing things happened this year. college has changed my life. for the better i think.
i can't believe where i was just one year ago - and how far i have come. and yes, i measure my life in school years because i am not in the real world yet. thank goodness - i don't think i could handle it.

coming up:
working in India. a new semester. traveling to paris to visit jimmy. another international conference. more @. more independence. a new me.

i can ALWAYS do it later.

so i sat down at 8 30 to write my paper for my ethics class.
it is now 1 08. i have not written a word.




i need to quit being ADD

stick figures and happy trees.

i

miss

this.

lately i have been thinking about how long its been since i did art stuff.
way too long was the answer.

art used to be an entire part of me. a huge part of my life, and now its completely absent from it. and i tried to do something the other day, and completely failed. not just that i didn't like it, but it didn't even come out. its like there is a huge mental block to return to this point in my life. and know people don't even recognize that part of me. if i was going to be home this summer, i would spend it painting. and playing with my camera. and writing like i used to. and remembering what it was like to have time to do things like that.
i can only hope that i can bring my camera to india and find it again. if not it would break my heart.

updates.

1. i am officially matched and going to india.

2. i finally put up pictures from morocco.

3. my freshman year is almost over.

4. embraced my first national leadership team experience.

5. realized how much i missed someone while in new york city.

6. should be more really be working on something productive. like now.

truth.

yes. yes i do.

you give me money, i give you what you want.

so the Honors Program, who gave me money to go to morocco, asked me to write an article for their newsletter about my experience. and it finally gave me a chance to sit down and write about my time there. granted, its not even touching on how amazing it was, or how incredible the people were. but nothing in words ever could.

so here you go:

Ana kountoo fe al-Maghreb. I was in Morocco. It is one of those incredible, ludicrous, surreal, amazing experiences and ideas that completely change your perception on the way your life works. You stand there and think about how ridiculous that actually sounds, For my spring break, I went to Morocco. Who says that? One of those dreamlike moments, and there I was. In the middle of Morocco surrounded by over two hundred amazing individuals and nineteen different cultures, living the dream… maybe I should start at the beginning.
In September, when I was just a Recently Acquired Techie, I was dragged to an information session for a student organization by the Honors Program’s very own Emily Pechar, and when I say dragged, I mean dragged. I had no desire to walk across campus (I’m lazy) to hear about another student organization intent on my membership (I had walked enough on Skiles even after that first month to recognize that pattern). But in that information session, I found exactly what I wanted in an organization, and it was called AIESEC. AIESEC is the largest entirely student-run organization focusing on leadership development and cultural understanding through international exchange. It offers around 4500 international internships in over 100 countries per year for students and recent graduates of over 800 universities.
Long story short, I joined. And through AIESEC, I have had so many opportunities that I would not have had otherwise. Which brings me to Morocco.
I was granted the opportunity to attend the Middle East North Africa Leadership Development Seminar (lovingly acronym-ized to MENALDS) taking place in Bouznika (a incredibly tiny town on the Atlantic coast of Morocco) with about 240 delegates, including the aforementioned lovely Emily Pechar. I met people from nineteen different countries, ranging everywhere from Brazil, Jordan, and the United Arab Emirates, to the Netherlands, Bahrain, and Tunisia.
It was an incredible five days, and incredible hardly does them justice. I had the opportunity to not only learn from these intense cultures and amazing people, but also had the opportunity to be a positive ambassador for America to nations that don’t necessarily see the best in the United States. I actually had the chance to completely shape the perceptions of Americans to a few people, as some of the delegates had never actually seen an American that was not on television. Believe me, that is an eye-opening and rare experience. I discussed everything from marriage traditions in Bahrain to Islam and women to freedom of speech in the Gulf, and learned something incredible each time. Imagine chatting over dinner about family life to someone whose father had a second wife, or discovering facets of a religion that tends to be demonized in American media that are so moving and thought provoking it changes your perspective on the entire region. I learned the concept of Insha’Allah, or “If God Wills It”, and the impact that has on one’s mindset. I was at one point in the conference pushed into the center of a circle of dancers to test my Middle Eastern dancing skills, and to my surprise was told by an Egyptian that I could fit in her country. I found myself watching the sunset over the minarets of Rabat’s mosques and the edge of the Atlantic Ocean, listening to the beauty of an Islamic call to salah (prayer). Like I said, incredible hardly does it justice.
If you ever, and I mean ever, have the opportunity to go to Morocco, TAKE IT. The people there are the most hospitable, gracious, and interesting people I have met in a long time. Or if you have the chance to go abroad, don’t let it pass you by. You will have the ability to experience a culture, change your perspective, meet incredible people, and see something that could take your breath away. And it could quite possibly, most probably, change your life.


i miss Morocco. take me back.

it's hard not to start crying

i can't take this anymore. i can't see this everywhere i go. don't take me as insensitive, but i can't face it. it is all too much.

let's see how this works out...

and so it begins.

where do i go from here?

i feel so disillusioned.
for everything. school, friends, family, even AIESEC.

i want for anything else to be back where i was right after WSC this winter. i have never been so motivated, and its really hard to find where that came from.
i need an excuse to get genuinely excited about something. its getting harder and harder, and you don't even realize how depressing that can be.

:'(

i'm sick of migraines.
i feel like crying.
i might just start crying right now.

follow the leader leader leader, follow the leader

was recognized at the Omicron Delta Kappa for my role at Georgia Tech as "freshman leader".
basically it was about 40 people getting a piece of paper that deemed us leaders of our class. kind of a farce if you ask me, but it was an interesting perspective on my future at the school, as well as the future of AIESEC at Georgia Tech. so much of what they were talking about as necessary for a sustainable organization and leadership development i have already found in AIESEC.

it was interesting some of the things that they talked about. especially the concepts of Ubuntu and conviction in action. i understand why, even at the most frustrating and struggling times, i continue with my work in AIESEC. because i have conviction not only in its mission and vision, but also its ability and influence, especially in my life. leadership is conviction. and action. and the ability to translate both.

it made me think a lot about my future. where do i go next?

lists - a john cusack must.

things to do:

1. get over my silly boy crushes.
2. do my homework. and i mean, really do it.
3. finalize india.
4. find the perfect pair of flip-flops.
5. get a haircut.
6. read the Qu'ran.
7. read the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
8. buy music.
9. wash my car.
10. get money.
11. do laundry.
12. write a paper.
13. find a direction.
14. take one for the team.
15. quit drinking so much.
16. write.
17. do art.
18. be happy.
19. get a pedicure.
20. follow through.
21. wake up.
22. speak spanish.
23. quit lying.
24. make my bed.
25. snuggle.
26. quit nomadlife stalking people.
27. quit my email addiction.

i'm hungry.

my stomach just rumbled in class.
really loudly.

it was kind of loud. and embarrassing.

something's missing.

i can't say what, but it's not there.


all i know is i feel the need to lay on the grass and listen to music in the sunshine. (you know the type of music that defines moments. and lifetimes.)


i need a change in course. i need a change in scenery. i need a change in perception.

i think Mike said it best: "It's...getting...really...really...hard...to...take...academics...seriously...right...now...especially when I have a revolution to start and a job to find."

well i might have found the job, but the revolution is still in the works.