the endings of oh-eight, in pictures.

A room with a view.

A new year, a new start. The view from my apartment. Yes, that is the Nile and most of Zamalek. Jealous? You should come and see it for yourself. More apartment pictures to come...

A new MCP.
Tiffany Curtiss, one of my heroes not only in AIESEC but in my whole life. One day, this woman cornered me after an AIESEC meeting to come to dinner. Her (gentle) pushing is the reason I have come so far in this organization, the reason why I have such high goals that I am working to attain, and why I have been inspired to see every side of this world, know it, and make it a better place. If you don't know her yet, you should get to know her. You will know her someday either way because when they say change agent, this is what they mean. This picture is from the very very beginning, and always makes me smile to think of all that has happened since then. Congratulations Tiffany, I am so excited to come back to AIESEC in the US in June and work with you!

A friend heading back stateside.
Roommate number two to head back to the USofA. This girl has infiltrated my vocabulary, made these past few months bearable, renewed my love for hopping around like a crazy, and is totally ball-hair. I'm going to miss bovering her and commenting on various repressions that we experienced in this country, and so much more.

A Jenny-Benny.
Hey guess what? I miss you. Yeah, that's right. Like tons.

A city that I love.
Cairo, Al-Qaharra, Masr. I love this city. Yes, you can see the pyramids in this picture, if you look really hard. I'm celebrating the entry of 2009 in Siwa with Christina, and in just over a week I will be flying to London and Paris. But Cairo is becoming home.

Happy New Year. 2009 I'm feeling will be a fantastic year, insha'Allah.

Merry Christmas.

It's no Christmas in the states, that's for sure. But Christmas is still a time to celebrate. To love. To be happy. And on this side of the world, that is exactly what we are doing. Tonight we're planning on a big dinner with all of our Egyptian family, we'll be having pancakes for breakfast.

Santa even came.

So Merry Christmas. I miss you all, and I love you. I hope you are happy, warm, and surrounded by people you love. I just wish I could be there with you.

told you so.

Just in case you didn't believe me, this is the I told you so part.

Khalas, AUC.

My semester just officially ended with my last exam. I am so incredibly relieved that it is over. And although everyone is talking about their plans for going home, I've got my own plan for the coming two month break. Not that I don't want to go home - it just didn't work out that way.

So - my plan:

Reading. I just borrowed 10 books from the library. yes, 10. There will be a lot of reading going on. And writing, insha'Allah.
Sleeping. So much sleeping will occur you won't even believe it.
Finding a new apartment with fast internet and a comfy bed for said sleeping.
Traveling. Paris and London for sure, and hopefully somewhere else, too. Maybe Israel/Palestine or Lebanon or Jordan or Syria or Siwa or something.
Showing my Mom what living in Cairo is like.
Fixing things that have been broken.
Getting more involved with AIESEC again.
Working on my Arabic.
Seeing touristy things that I still haven't seen since moving here in June.
Celebrate Christmas and New Year's Cairene style. With a touch of Americana.
Get ready to restart AUC in February.

And on another note - I was looking at my dashboard and basically the only thing on it are sticky-notes, the weather, and countdowns.
The weather is just a constant reminder that I live in the desert, but it's not too different from Atlanta weather honestly. It's about 60 degrees here pretty consistently, but it will keep dropping more.
The sticky-notes are mostly reminders - things I need to do, music I'm interested in, magazines and editorials that I want to look at getting subscriptions to in the states, and things like that.
But it's the countdowns that got me really. Here they are:

20 days until London and Paris
1 month until Mommy comes to Cairo
3 months until Audie comes to Cairo

All exciting upcoming events in my life. But why I mention them at all are the next two:

5 months and 11 days until home
6 months and 19 days since you've lived in the sandbox.

I have lived in Cairo for more than 6 months. And I am well past my halfway point. And there are less than 6 left. There are times when I walk down the street and can't remember what it's like to see stoplights. Or street signs in English. I don't know what it is going to be like not to listen to the call to prayer or smell limes and ta'amayia and shisha smoke when I walk home. Or when I was reading a website in Arabic and I didn't even notice it. Life in Cairo has become so natural that I don't even think about it, and that is both weird and kind of amazing too. It's just hard to make sense of it all sometimes.

The Island of Egypt.

I have to apologize for my lack of posting, communication, or understanding of global events for the past two days. The internet has not been working. And by not working, I mean nowhere. In the entire country. I'm not exaggerating for comic benefit - there was literally no internets in the whole of the country.

Imagine. A whole country. Removed from contact with the rest of the world. For two whole days.

Mabrouk, Masr. You are some kind of genius.

"Essentials of Spontaneous Prose"

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for your own joy
2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
3. Try never get drunk outside your own house
4. Be in love with your life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time
15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
17. Write in recollection and amazement for yrself
18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
19. Accept loss forever
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
22. Don't think of words when you stop but to see picture better
23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
29. You're a Genius all the time
30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars, and in the middle, you see the blue center-light pop, and everybody goes ahh..."

As ever,
Jack

live from Ma-Crazy Street.

1. I got home from Turkey, and was kind of relieved to be home. I loved Istanbul though, and want to go back sometime soon.
2. I hate drama. The end.
3. Working on my paper. Attempting to work on my paper. Something to do with paper.
4. I'd rather be working on my portfolio, but I don't really want to do that either.
5. AUC round 2 is almost done. Round 3 is creeping closer and closer.
6. My mommy is coming to Egypt. I'm worried that she will be terrified.
7. Realized walking through Zamalek that I won't be Christmas shopping this year - no pushy people in the malls, no cinnamon scented stores, no peppermint mochas, no cheesy Christmas music - I won't get any of that. And it made me a little sad. And I hate Christmas shopping. But I still realized I'm going to miss it. All of it.
8. I have a lot of pictures to be uploading. But I am not allowing myself to until after exams finish. You should be proud of that self-control.
9. I have gots no business socks.
10. 27 days until I head to London and Paris.
11. Lists might be the easiest way to procrastinate. And express my inability to form coherent sentences at the moment.

Prophetic Grounds

"Who broke your heart? Tell me this - I have to know."

He was spinning my cold coffee cup between his hands staring intently - alternating between me and my empty cup. He told me that he could see my heart - and it wasn't dirty but it was dark. Dark with burning secrets that I have carried for so long - on my winding path. One of the many paths that I had - some were short and easy and some were long and dıffıcult but all were true and clear. And there was a rabbit following a lıght. And two strong fıgures - a flame breathıng dragon and a horse - were facıng each other. It wasn't bad - but just two opposıng forces. Or people.
And on my saucer - after lettıng ıt drıp ınto the empty cup and whısperıng Turkısh over ıt - there was a crescent moon. He saıd that ıt was only for the Turkısh - but there ıt was. Sayıng that my wısh wıll come true - though ıt wıll be long and dıffıcult. Be patıent he saıd. But ıt wıll come.

"Tell me. Who ıs ıt that broke your heart?"

Istanbul not Constantınople

Im ın love wıth Istanbul. There I saıd ıt. In love. Just lıke everyone saıd I would be.

Thıs cıty ıs nothıng lıke I expected. I dıdnt really know what to expect - but ıt was such a surprıse. A pleasant one at that. The only way I can thınk of explaınıng ıt ıs a mıxture of Parıs and Rabat and Valencıa - but I dont know ıf that does ıt any justıce. The cıty ıs so green and smells lıke pıne trees and roastıng chestnuts and the Medıterranean. It ıs so clean. I forgot how clean cıtıes can be - Istanbul ıs a fabulous remınder. And when the salaht sounds - ıt ıs so much more beautıful than ın Caıro - and ıt echoes from the top of the hıll startıng wıth the Blue Mosque and downward through the cıty. And ıt ıs so loud that ıt kınd of vıbrates ın your chest - lıke ıt was so beautıful ıt was grabbıng a hold of your heart.

Yesterday was our fırst day - Im travelıng wıth Sarah and Jenny - two roommates - Sophıa - a frıend - and sort of my other roommate - Chrıstına (she ıs travelıng for awhıle and wıll be splıttıng from us soon) and her frıend - Katıe. Our orıgınal plan was to overload wıth the basıcs - the Ayasofya and the Blue Mosque and all that - but decıded to start slow. So we went to the hamam - a Turkısh bath. It was an ıncredıble experıence - our hamam was over 500 years old and so beautıful. I got scrubbed lıke no other and a massage and a facıal - all of whıch were worth the kınd of prıcey ınvestment - my skın feels ıncredıble and ıt got me so ıncredıbly excıted to take on the cıty ın a sort of new skın. It also was one of those ın the moment experıences that you cant really shake - so absolutely amazıng.

For lunch - we had thıs delıcıous thıng called Kumpır - a baked potato that ıs whıpped ın the skın wıth butter and salt and some kınd of delıcıous cheese and then topped wıth a whole mess of delıcıousness - couscous and corn and peas and chılı sauce and pıckles and mystery meat and olıves and such. So ıncredıbly good. And of course some Turkısh delıghts - whıch are much better than I ever remember them beıng.

We then found out that all the bazaars were closıng for Eıd - whıch makes sense but was totally unexpected - so we rushed through the Grand Bazaar before ıt closed for the week and made some mad purchasıng. Well - some more than others. I kept ıt to a relatıve mınımum compared to the other gırls. But ıt was fun and an ıncredıble space and so excıtıng.

Then we - beıng exhausted - came back and had some dınner and decıded to go on a pub crawl ın Taksım - a more modern part of the cıty - wıth Chrıstınas hostel. It was fun - we went from a bar that played terrıble versıons of bad musıc wıth a lıve band to a rock bar that had a sınger ın a jean vest and long haır sıngıng the Fınal Countdown - among other tunes - to Turkısh headbangers to an ınsanely packed club where the balconıes bounced wıth the dancıng people. It was fun and kınd of absolutely ınsane - but all I payed was two lıre for the whole shebang - not a bad deal.

Well Im off to contınue my love affaır wıth thıs cıty.

Love from Istanbul.

A Long December

And it's only the second day.

I have to admit, though, that I am so relieved that the semester is ending. It has been - I'm trying to think of an appropriate adjective here - arduous? difficult? soul-searching? - whatever its been, its almost over. I am ready for the new semester specifically because it is new - a lot of new things. A new apartment, a new set of classes, new people, new chances, new experiences. On the other side of December bright and shiny and new.
But that means I have to get through December first. And that means a lot of other things. I have to finish a paper by the end of the term, and give a presentation about another paper I have already turned in. I have two exams, but strangely not really concerned about either of them. I have to revise, edit, and prepare a portfolio of my writing, as well as write my own curriculum for my independent study for next semester. I have to move out of my apartment, and watch everyone leave me, again. My roommates, friends, everyone non-Egyptian, basically, heads back to the states this month. I have to watch everyone leave, again. And I spend Christmas when everyone is gone. And I have to wait until March to see anyone from my life back home. Sometimes, I don't think my heart can take it.
Granted, December means Turkey. It means a break from school. It means I'm that much closer to going to London, and Paris. I'm that much closer to going home. I can't tell what is closer and what is farther away - my perception has gone all distorted.

It's scary. Everything seems so far away here. People, responsibility, the rest of the world. Everything just seems distant.

I've got to find a way to reconnect. Otherwise, this is going to be a long, long December.