get off your ass, woman.

or the world's gonna pass you by.

i have to get my act in gear. for real. i have so many choices to make in the next few days, and all i can find myself doing is watching the daily show, scribbling thoughts on the backs of papers, and buying movies without watching them. it's not for lack of things to do, for i have many. i am just avoiding responsibility for my life, which is no bueño, verdad.

i had such focus coming back from India. where has it gone? am i that demotivated that i have lost all interest in the direction of these next few days? weeks? years? lifetimes?
i don't want to disappoint anyone else, disappointing myself is enough, thanks. and i feel like that is all i am doing. i've swam enough circles to drown a dolphin, and beaten enough dead cows to throw me in indian prison.

i just wish i could get back to...whoever i was before i was this.
maybe i should figure out who that was. i need some definite soul searching. but, i don't think i can do it alone.